I am a perfectionist. And it is not a good thing.
I have the tendency to look back and dwell on what I should have done. On the one hand it helps me grow. I am always thinking strategically about what I want to change for next time. On the other, it robs me of gratefulness for the process. Perfectionism keeps me enjoying what I have been given.
Which brings me to Paris. Glorious Paris.
You’d think I just danced around Paris light as a feather free as a bird by looking at these images.
Wrong. I was frustrated that it was cold and rainy the whole time, because I only brought one pair of long pants and one jacket. Neither being very fashionable. I was tired from walking all over the city all day and night because no one in my party wanted to take long Parisian lunches and take a break. I hadn’t really planned out what I wanted ahead of time, so I found myself in every church and museum Paris had, wishing I was just sipping coffee at a cafe or shopping. Just writing all of that out is rough. I want to go back and erase it. Make it sound less like I am a petulant child. But that’s exactly how I was acting.
Which led me to day 2 in Paris. Aaron and I had split from our dear friends after climbing the Arch de’Triomphe and I was a cranky hot-mess. I sat down on a bench and cried, feeling tired and sorry for myself.
Bless my husband for dealing with this kind of behavior. Really. It was one of those moments where you can SEE yourself acting badly but you feel absolutely powerless to snap out of it.
After figuring out what in the world was going on inside my head, he helped me make a plan. Go back to our place and take a nap. REST. Get some macarons on the way back to that nap (RIGHT? He’s a saint.) Then map out the shops I want to go to tomorrow and stop feeling sorry for myself.
It’s funny but this is the kind of thing I love about traveling. Not that it makes me act like a lunatic, but that it really forces me to figure out what prevents me from doing what I love. I love our friends so much and being there with them, I wanted to just do the things they were excited about. But I was doing everything at the expense of my own needs, I wasn’t even listening to my body or stopping to slow down when I knew I needed to.
It would have been easy to just post all of these images and say “Yay for Paris! We were living the dream!”
I mean, we did. It was marvelous to see so much. But even with these images it took me so long to edit and post them because I even wish I had taken different pictures… More of the normal city things while we walked around… or shot everything on film… or …
Even now I know I am being crazy. But I think it’s good to put that out there so you aren’t just sitting here thinking that pretty pictures equals pretty easy life.
That’s just not reality. Life is messy. I am a mess. But that doesn’t mean life isn’t good.
And just because something isn’t perfect, doesn’t mean it’s all bad. In fact, sometimes it’s the imperfections that make the good stuff even sweeter.
I would also like to take this opportunity to put this out into the universe, if you are getting married in Paris next spring, let me know. Or if you need photos for a magazine editorial. Or if you even just want some family photos…
I will shoot it for free. Just fly us back, and it’s on me. Shoot me an email emily@gem-photo.com
xoxo,
Em
I LOVE the color photo of the old man on the bench. Absolutely love that.
Girl, I connect with you SOOO much on this post. I love traveling and love experiencing new things. I never want to be the one dictating other’s plans so I try my best to go with the flow. But sometimes, my body can’t keep up. When traveling, you want to see everything there is to see in the place you are going, but how can you have a good time when you are rushing around and not connecting!? My best vacations have been ones where I go on leisurely strolls with my sweetheart, holding hands and sharing ice cream. My first trip to Paris was much too short and I was much too young to appreciate it. I can’t wait to be able to go back and soak it all in. The pictures in this post make me want to make that happen that much more. I’m getting married next month and the idea of taking my new husband to Paris with me someday just fills my heart up! My fiance is much like your husband: he knows my needs better than I do sometimes. He talk me down, helps me focus and care for myself.
Thanks for you honesty. Lovely post.
Such a lovely set of photos. I especially love the one with all the umbrellas.
Thank you for sharing your photos of Paris and the story behind it. I totally get it. I’ve been in that place, in Europe in fact, before I was married. My friends. I wanted to strangle them at one point. And realized it was exhaustion talking. But scrolling through your photos brought me back to that magical place that is Paris that I love so much. That simple photo of the Bricolage, with the dog and the graffiti…that is France. And I love that photo of you and Aaron in the Louvre! To many returns to Paris. For real.
Can I just travel with you guys all the time please?
You are not alone! I totally get that thing where you are regretting things even when life is pretty good and you’re questioning why you’re doing something and just not really feeling satisfied with an experience. But I have to tell you, as someone who has been to Paris, you captured it beautifully!! The shots of the streets, the people, you, your husband, the food – all of it. Well done!
Funny, I had a very similar experience in Paris (a city I love, and wanted to just slip into…but ah! so much to see! so few days! plus jetlag! aaah!). Seriously, Paris needs a full week. It was our first stop on the honeymoon, and we spent 3 days rushing from one museum and site to the next, without taking much time just to sit and BE. It was our first and only major “I am so frustrated I am crying” moment on the trip (which, sure, could have been partially from exhaustion, but I also think it was muchly because we hadn’t really talked about what we each wanted to do – and he was so excited about the museums that I wanted to be there for him and get excited too…but what I really wanted to do was wander the streets and soak it all in). Conversations were had, and the rest of the trip was much easier, since I was more vocal about what I wanted to do as well. But ah….Paris. Je t’aime.
PS – you and Aaron at the Eiffel Tower…I seriously want to frame that and put it on my desk, because it is just oozing joy. That would be weird though, right?