As photographers we are always desperate for compliments, good comments and “likes”…and it can be heart wrenching to hear a critique.

But what compels us to be better? What do we really need? Not compliments. We need critiques from people who care about us and want to see us succeed.

This is what I think was most valuable about last Saturday in Atlanta with 6 other photographers for Jeremy Cowart‘s first Lifefinder session : honest critique. From someone who I not only admire greatly as an artist, but who is also not in the wedding industry.

I’m not saying it wasn’t totally devastating to get some honest feedback about my work. About how my influences show up a little too much. About how sometimes my own voice gets lost when it’s an image that we’ve all seen a million times in the wedding industry. It hurt.

But I know in my heart of hearts that I needed this. There is a fire in me now to push myself creatively – to make time to come up with my own ideas and take a break from being inspired by other wedding photographers – and to discern what my own voice is really saying.

I’m still very much in process after this workshop. As far as what we actually did – go through all of our top 20 images – our websites – our branding – our inspiration – discuss the ruts we get into creatively – it was a pretty simple format. Yet that simple format really allowed us to analyze the true state of our businesses and the goals we have for them. It was real talk in a world of fake talky-talk. My high school girls know this expression. When we sit down for small group it’s easy to get wrapped up in who likes who and what is going on in their classes and sometimes that can go on for a while until eventually I demand that we get to real talk – what we are really struggling with, what we need prayer for – and skip the talky-talk, the fake, the easy. In this industry I think it’s great to learn about lighting, and post-processing, and branding – we need to learn that from each other and I think it’s important to have those talks. But at some point we need to move past that. I crave that realness so much, because I know that if no one is challenging me I just walk around inflated feeling like I am the best photographer since sliced bread.

The truth is – that’s how I was feeling before this session. Inflated. And man did it hurt to pop. It really did.

But the challenge for me this week is that if I walked around thinking my work was all bad I wouldn’t be able to explore the truth – that some of it is good but some of it could be better. I am the ultimate perfectionist. When I get home from a wedding I look through my images and I look at them so critically – I should have been standing farther to the left, I should have taken a few more from this angle, and so on, and so on…

So when I get a critique, it’s easy for me to go off the deep end. Like, I SUCK! I quit. Jeremy showed us some websites of photographer who are doing something different – people like Sam Jones and Joey L or Dan Winters - and when I look at their work, I really do want to just give up. Sometimes it’s so easy to feel like I what I have to offer creatively just cannot compare.

But. I look at the image above. Going through my dear friend Cayla’s wedding images and this one makes me stop all the comparing and realize something else. This image is why I do what I do. It may not be fancy, it may not be that original, but it is so real it literally brought tears into my eyes. It’s the moment that Cayla’s bridesmaids saw her dress, and her in it, for the first time. This is a moment these women, and me as her friend, had hoped for her for years through so much disappointment and heartbreak. Their faces mirror the emotions of my heart. Seeing it again makes me realize that this moment is priceless.

I can’t stop capturing these moments because I feel like I am not as creative as other photographers. It doesn’t mean I should try to push myself, either. But that’s the challenge: to be able to recognize my own good without being puffed up. This is the battle of an artist, and right at this moment I am embroiled in it.

Jeremy – I am thankful for you and the way you really showed up on Saturday. Thanks for being in it with us and for holding nothing back. My respect for you has grown tenfold and I left feeling motivated to start changing the world. Now I just need to figure out what that looks like for me. I’m still not sure but I know that is okay.

To everyone else – I want to make a commitment to you. If you are a photographer or an artist and you are feeling like you need honest feedback or critique, I would like to offer it. I know that I don’t have nearly the experience to really warrant this, but at the same time, I am willing. And sometimes that is more important. I want to be willing to offer honest feedback to you, because that is what I want for myself. Let me know if you want to be in this with me. It will probably hurt a little, but I think we both will be better for it.

xoxo

Em