Last year we bought ourselves a little blueberry bush. We planted it in a container in our backyard and I felt very proud of it. That first season it produced the sweetest little white flowers that gave way to tiny tasty blueberries and I wondered to myself why we had never known how easy it was!
After the blueberries were gone I was (mostly) diligent at watering it. And looking at it from the window. And after a while, it started to turn brown and dead-looking* (* my scientific analysis)
After fretfully declaring to Aaron that I was the WORST gardener in the world and that I had killed our blueberry bush, he assured me that it was not dead. It was hibernating. Oh, ok.
A few months later I had to break it to Aaron that it was in fact dead. Sorry.
He just told me to wait. And keep watering. I can’t say I did a good job at either task.
But then. After an eternity. The tiny buds returned. Tiny shocks of green leaves burst out of the branches and it seems like overnight there are the little white bell shaped flowers there, like a little miracle before me.
Do you ever feel as though you are doing everything right but you aren’t getting what you want?
Sometimes we are doing everything wrong and we need a wake up call to realize it.
But sometimes, maybe, you are doing the right thing, but it takes longer to develop than you want to wait.
I am guilty. I am helplessly impatient. And not just with my gardening (for which I may actually be the worst in the world) but with my life and my business as well.
Building my business these past few years, I have found myself at times being frustrated with the growth.
Here is the funny thing though, my business has been growing… so what’s my problem?
The problem is … pride. comparison with others. expectations.
But something I was reminded of yesterday is that right now, I am doing the right things. I am building a business based on what I believe in. And I am doing work that I am proud of. And I am doing my best to do those things with integrity.
So the problem that comes with doing the right things… comparison. Looking around and seeing other people and wondering, what’s the difference? I am doing all the same things, right?
And the real issue… trust.
For me, anyways. Because from the BEGINNING, I asked God that if this photography business was what he wanted for me, and not just what I wanted, that he would make it clear. He has delivered on this request and in more ways than I can go in to in this space.
And so now I get to this place and I have not stopped recently to trust. And remember that this is STILL HIS. Even now.
Trust is not a passive activity.
It requires making my decisions based on what is honorable, even when it feels scary or threatens my pride. It requires contentment with the amount of work I have, doing it the best way I know how, and yet also actively participate in generating new things to get involved in.
It requires me to stop comparing. To give away as much as I am able. To put my whole heart into everything, knowing that ultimately this work is for him, and that apart from serving clients well, I have no business in gathering the praise of others.
So maybe the blooms in my life are small, compared to what I am dreaming for. I will be content there, knowing that it is not in vain to keep watering, and waiting.
See the blueberry bush, and remember.
It’s waiting for its time to grow. In the meantime, nourish it, and wait.
And why are you anxious…?
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow : they neither toil nor spin…
if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you…?
Matthew 6 : 28 – 30